To My Son, On His Birthday

My Sweet Colton,

I feel like I loved you before I met you. I just knew that you would touch lives and do amazing things; and you have.

You were born on March 6, 2015. I was in awe of your tiny fingers and toes, and all of your dark hair. As a first time mom, I could not have been prouder of you. All I wanted to do was snuggle you, smell your sweet newborn scent, but you were whisked away. We made up for all of those missed snuggles during your 10 months on Earth with our family.

I was always in awe of your strength. You went through so much while you were here, but you were a trooper. Your smile lit up the room, and your chubby cheeks were the sweetest. No matter how many surgeries, blood draws, or Riley appointments, you were always there. My sweet boy with the chubbiest cheeks, and soft dark hair. You were an observer. You loved to sit; whether that meant sitting and listening a book on someone's lap; or sitting while yelling at the dog, you were keen to take in the world; one moment at a time. This is something I try to do myself now. I think of you and remember to take in each moment. Don't rush... live in the moment.

This is how I get through life without you now.

I remind myself that you would want me to be strong, and to be happy doing things, and being around people that I love. The problem with that is, that you were a person I loved SO much. I will forever wonder who you would be if you were here now. A big three year old. I think you would be running around like a madman. You probably would also sit and take in all of the things that your little sister is doing. You would be talking up a storm, and would get hugs and kisses every day from your mom and dad.

Time is a funny thing. It keeps marching on, even when you don't want it to. If I listed all of the things I miss about you, this letter would be never ending, so I will end with this. You have made me a better person. A better teacher, a better mom, a better wife. You are the best part of my soul, and have made me aware of just how fleeting time is. I will forever be grateful to you for leading me toward what life is all about. I love you and miss you more than words can describe sweet baby.

Until I can hold you again,

Mom